For most of my life, I dreamt big and achieved little.
I thought I was just unlucky. The universe was working against me, putting obstacle after obstacle in my path to make me fail. I felt like I was destined for a life of misery, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I felt so powerless.
Does it feel familiar? When things aren’t going our way, it’s easy to point our finger at everything but ourselves. But, the universe has no interest in ruining our lives. It’s our toxic beliefs and unhealthy habits that sabotage all our efforts, and so subtly we often don’t even realise it. Here’s how:
1. You don’t practice self-care
This one is so hard, isn’t it? Us women tend to put everyone else’s needs above our own. It’s selfish not to, we’re told. I disagree. I think putting yourself last is selfish. Taking on more than you can chew, trying to take care of everything and pleasing everyone, is exhausting.
If you don’t take some time off to relax every day, you’re going to be too drained, both mentally and physically, to help anyone. So, go on, practice a little self care.
Take that bath, cook a hearty and healthy meal from scratch, stay in bed that little bit longer, go for that 30 minute brisk walk… whatever relaxes and nourishes you. You’ll feel a lot better, and be able to help people a lot more, too.
2. You hate yourself
We all have an inner critic, a nagging little voice that tells us that we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough, and that we’ll never amount to anything. That’s our ego trying to keep us safe from failure.
But, in doing so, it pushes us into much more dangerous territory: self-loathing. There’s hardly anything more crippling. Self-loathing sabotages everything we try to do, often before we even start.
It makes us feel like we don’t deserve to be happy, so we don’t even try to make our dreams come true, or we give it such a bad shot we’re bound to fail. Until we truly learn to love and appreciate ourselves, we’ll destroy everything we touch.
3. You don’t have a support system in place
I used to think I had to do everything on my own. Asking for help was a sign of weakness. I was so wrong. Doing it alone is so overwhelming. No one has all the answers. No one is a master of all trades. No one has more than 24 hours in the day to get everything done.
If you’re struggling with something, just ask for help. Ask for advice. Find people who have complementary skills to yours and share the burden. Delegate what you can. With a supportive team behind you, you’ll accomplish your goals much faster (and be a lot saner and happier, too).
4. You focus on your failures
The road to success is paved with failures. When you take a risk, and try something new, you won’t likely succeed straight away. Don’t let that discourage you. Failing sucks, but it doesn’t make you a loser. It makes you smarter. Now you know what doesn’t work, you can try again with a different approach. So pick yourself up and try again until you get what you want.
5. You play the victim
When things go wrong, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and blame everyone else for our troubles. This mindset sets us up for guaranteed failure because it encourages us to wallow in our misery rather than take the necessary action to fix the problem.
So, next time something doesn’t go according to plan, don’t moan the whole world is against you. Figure out what you need to fix it, and do it. You’ll amazed at how quickly your fortunes change when you take a proactive approach to life.
How are you sabotaging yourself?